girl-ish
Dear Readers, I was so inspired by Christie's most recent letter, where she revealed her fears and doubts about the future. It's something we talk about a lot; on the phone, on G-Chat, or in long late night text messages--we are quite literally constantly in communication. When it gets heavy, it's easy to make a joke, send a funny .gif, or quickly change the subject to something less intense. But, when you read those same words in the form of a letter, it just seems final. You're left to think about it, whether you want to or not. In true copy-cat fashion, I want to take this week's letter to spill my guts a little, and come to a conclusion about something that's pretty small in the grand scheme of things, but weighs very heavily on my mind. This summer, I was gifted the opportunity to start anew. My whole "Life Plan" changed, and by changed, I mean that I realized it was ridiculous to have a life-plan because things never, ever work out the way you think they will. I had to start over. And I did it by moving to New York City. In the process of starting over, I made a list of things I didn't want to leave behind. I didn't want to lose touch with my friends in Kentucky, I didn't want to lose my Kentucky accent (Heaven Forbid!) and I didn't want to lose my blog, Kiley in Kentucky. Obviously, when I say "lose my blog," it's not like someone was trying to take it away from me, but, Kiley certainly wasn't in Kentucky anymore, so..... I decided to try and make my blog about life in New York. But, the problem was that I just didn't care about my blog anymore. Clearly I didn't learn my lesson about "planning" things. I couldn't find one ounce of passion for writing for my blog. I tried for about a month, but it felt so fake and I felt like I had lost my voice completely. Living in Kentucky provided a completely different lifestyle from which I pulled inspiration so easily. Here in New York, there's no shortage of creative energy, but I have been lead to channel it into a completely different avenue. Which brings us here, to Girl-ish. My passion for my own blog had vanished into thin air....right around the time Girl-ish came to life. This website is so exciting, ever-changing, and time-consuming in the best way. The prospect of creating and managing an online community was exactly what I wanted and needed when I came to New York. I still get to write, I still get to explore, but I am sharing the spotlight with 20-some other incredible women. I feel so much pride in sharing the stories that others have written, sharing ideas, making suggestions, and growing a legacy with these women. So, for now, Kiley in Kentucky is no more. I have toyed with changing the name (Kiley in New York is literally the worst name ever), changing the theme, changing the content....and I still am--so far, none of it feels right. For now, the blog that I once looked forward to posting every Friday is over. I have no doubt that I will one day live in Kentucky again, and for that reason, I'm not getting rid of it completely. I'm just taking an indefinite hiatus. I do own the rights to www.coffeewithkiley.com so. That could be a thing in the future. Love,
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Happy Sunday! It's the time of the week when I struggle between clinging to the last of my weekend and actually facing the reality of another Monday. Weekends are just awesome, ya know? There's nothing I love more than free time to do as I please, whether that's going to Target (duh), walking my dog, or working on Girl-ish. The latter takes up a surprising amount of time and I couldn't love it more. I'm crossing my fingers that a day will come when my job will be Girl-ish. Ahhh, that would be the best! I've been really struggling the past few weeks with complacency at my Monday-Friday job and a general loss of direction. I have so many goals for this year and for my life and sometimes I get weighed down by the thought that my goals are unattainable. I think they're realistic and I think I'm capable of making these things happen for myself but sometimes, when fear and doubt and questions and reality sets in, I get really scared. I'm left with this lingering thought of, "I can do this, I can make these things happen- but what if I don't?" What if I don't do the things I want to do? What if my life takes a different path? What if I'm meant for something different than the grand picture in my head? I can be okay with that. But right now, as a young woman trying to figure out my life and where I'm going, that possibility of "different" throws open the door to uncertainty with every decision I make. Should I do this? What will it mean? I don't know and that's the part that scares me. I think at times I expect too much of myself and my life. I want to live in the best cities and travel the world and have my dream career. But I also want to have a family one day and be able to stay home with my kids when they're not in school. What does "dream career" look like then? I can't help but think that time is slowly being wasted away while I work a job that doesn't push me to my goals and I live in a city I don't love. This might be one of the hardest parts about being a woman in today's world: I've created so much pressure for myself to succeed and be awesome. I want all my dreams to come true. But don't want to be a "career mom" when the time comes for me to have children. I want to be home while they're young and make them snacks for when they come home from school. Where does that leave me? (Well, where does that leave me besides needing to make my millions prior to having children so I don't have to work, haha.) I don't have any answers. Right now I'm just taking things a day at a time and sharing my thoughts with you stream-of-consciously in hopes that someone else is feeling this way too. Maybe we can navigate it together. I read a quote from F. Scott Fitzgerald last night that put some parts of this in perspective for me. He said, "The world only exists in your eyes. You can make it as big or as small as you want." I have big dreams and huge goals and in doing that, I've created a very big world for myself. But maybe what's important is that I recognize that sometimes, it's okay for your world to be a little small. It's okay to take some time learning things at a job that isn't your end goal and it's okay to live in a tiny little town for the time being because your family lives there and you love them. The future is always uncertain but it's up to me to decide it. Love, P.S. I mention the struggle that many women feel regarding time, family, and career. I know Sheryl Sandberg addresses this in her book Lean In, which I got for my birthday, along with #GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amoruso and Yes, Please by Amy Poehler. I'm not sure which one I'm starting first, but if you'd like to read them together as a cool virtual book club, comment below and let me know! Lovelies, As I write this, it is Saturday night and I am perfectly content to stay in and watch The Office on Netflix instead of do ANYTHING in the frigid Winter weather. You feel me? I know you do. Looking through the schedule for the upcoming week's content, I am feeling particularly inspired by our contributors. They never fail to perfectly balance humor and fun, fluff and fashion, with the most real and thought-provoking pieces! In all the excitement and pride I feel for our ladies, I am reminded that this is precisely what Girl-ish is all about and the very reason it was created. This week marks the beginning of our 7th week online. Even though I always had confidence in this endeavor, my confidence is growing with each passing week. As a whole, Week 6 was our biggest and most successful week regarding analytics. We hit major marks and milestones on social media AND for views and hits on our site. I know our exceptional content is keeping the readers coming back time and time again, and garnering new readers all the time! Tonight, I am just bursting with pride. During Week 6, we welcomed two new members to the Girl-ish community, Mandy and Lyndsay! Week 7 will showcase two more new members of our growing family! Christie and I couldn't be happier to expand our list of contributors and bring new, different points of view and life experiences to the table. What a wonderful week we have in store! Hello and welcome to 2015! New year, new me, amirite?! Okay, so I don't buy into that but I do have to say that I love the freshness of a new year. There's something about having 365 days laid out before you, full of possibilities and newness. I think I like the new year even more than the average Josephine because my birthday falls so close to it. (Tomorrow!!) Because of this, I feel even more motivated to make goals (I prefer "goals" to "resolutions" but whatev) for this year of my life. Some of them are fitness-oriented because let's be real, I can always improve in that area of my life. (#ihateworkingout) One of my main goals is to work on my flexibility, so I will attempt to do some yoga or Pilates every day. I mean, I need to be flexible for the future when I achieve my dream of being on Dancing With the Stars. This is important for my long-term goals, clearly. Other goals are related to Girl-ish. One is to move to one of my dream cities. Another is to write a screenplay. Some of my goals are simple and some are lofty but they are all things I want to strive to accomplish, which in itself is good enough for me. I just want to try. I was reading through one of my old journals and found my list of goals, resolutions, and reminders for 2013. The top two points have stuck with me until this day. 1. I am the only person in control of my happiness. 2. Do not let my happiness be a result of something I could lose. Success is great. Money is awesome. That stellar job? It's the coolest. But even if I find all of these things in life, they will never bring me the happiness that my family and friends do. That taking long walks with my dog does. That Netflix does. For me, even if I achieve my version of success, it will never be more important than the people I love. With that being said, my year of 26 will be spent trying to get closer to my dreamz and spending as much time with my family and friends as possible. I hope to travel to a few new places this year and see some new things and meet new people. This week on Girl-ish we have a bunch of cool stuff going on! I'm showing off my birthday nail art tomorrow (seriously, you guys, I'm so proud of it, so you need to check it out!) and we're going to feature two of our new contributors on our Facebook page. (If you haven't liked our page yet, please do! Once we reach 1,000 followers, we're going to do TWO sweet giveaways!!) We also have another Beauty "Fave Five" coming up from Kiley and a guide to college basketball by Amanda Paschal. (We have diverse interests over here at Girl-ish.) As always, thank you so much for reading. You all are THE BEST. Love, |
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