By Shelby Meehleder If you’ve read any sort of health blogs in the last few years, you’ve heard about the massive cultural obsession with juice cleanses. The basic principle is that you drink only certain juice concoctions (lemon juice and cayenne pepper, anyone?), and it flushes the toxins out of your body, serving as a sort of “reboot” for your digestive system. This summer I thought I would jump on the bandwagon and try a juice cleanse. I spent approximately $43 on 3 days worth of cold-pressed juices, and about 6 hours into the first day I broke down and ate half of a pizza. As much as I wish I had the determination to drink only gag-inducing health sap for a week, I just don’t think I ever will. My short-lived dabble into the world of juice cleanses got me thinking about all of the other toxic things I wish I could rid from my life, specifically certain friendships. Quick confession time: I don’t have many friends. I’ve lived in 3 different states in the last 6 years, been a full-time student and part-time employee throughout my entire college career, and I’ve been in a serious relationship for 3 years with a military man whose job has us living way out in Colorado, thousands of miles away from everyone I know. This has made any prospect of finding (and especially keeping) new friendships nearly impossible. Save for my best friend from college who lives halfway across the country, I am finding that a lot of the people I am “friends” with are in my life merely out of convenience. When I come home for the holidays or the occasional sporadic visits, there are people who I’ve known for so long that it just becomes habit to hang out with them, even though we have almost nothing in common, besides the fact that we grew up in the same town. If you want to successfully “friend cleanse,” you need to first take inventory of the people in your life, and notice when there are relationships that are just not healthy. Now that I’m in my 20s, I’m realizing that we often stay friends with people because of some sense of comfort and familiarity, when a lot of the times, there are people that we just need to outgrow and move on from. I know there are more than a few people in my life and on my social media accounts that I was friends with once upon a time, and yet, whenever we talk or hang out, it’s obvious that neither of us are the people we once were, and I have to learn that that’s okay, not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever. There are also people I’ve considered friends for too long who have nothing good to say about me behind my back, and these are the people that are essential I purge from my life if I want to retain some semblance of mental health. Maybe there are even friends in your life who you’ve tried to patch up these hurt feelings with and they are completely unresponsive and unwilling to reciprocate in mending your friendship. At this tender “not a girl, not yet a woman” crossroads (see what I did there?) there are so many pressures on you to find a career, make money, pay your debts, find a mate, put on pants before noon, etc. that no one needs the extra social pressure of being friends with people who, quite frankly, just make you feel crappy. The second part of a successful and healthy cleanse is to distance yourself from said individuals. However, a fair warning: they may catch on, and they may not like it. Confession time part two: I absolutely care way too much what people think of me. Regardless of if I know you or not, if you have some beef with me and I am made aware of it, chances are I’ve shed tears over it. This is not the way to live, love, blog, whatever. Not everyone will like you, not everyone will agree with you, but you just do you, boo, and find the people who like you for who you are and are willing to keep you in check in a respectful way. So, when you do start to nicely, and void of drama (and subtweets…I know, but resist the urge), pull away from these harmful friends, just remember that you are at complete liberty to do what’s best for yourself, even if it annoys, provokes, or causes these individuals to talk or think badly about you. Also, IMPORTANT PSA: Muting people on social media is totally non-confrontational, does not alert the person being muted, and can improve your state of mind literally within minutes. If there’s a particular person you’re trying to slowly detach from, start with muting them first, especially if you’re constantly bothered by their negative/mean/thoughtless posts on social media. Trust me, you’ll feel better. Next, if you want to truly feel like you have had a successful “friend cleanse,” you must, and I mean must, try your hardest not to feel guilty. Sure, it may hurt to say goodbye to people who have been in your life for so long that you forget what it’s like without them there, but remember, there is a reason. If a relationship with another person is causing you or your self-worth doubt or damage, they are toxic and you can, and must, do without them in your life. Finally, remember that it truly is quality not quantity when it comes to your relationships. This will be easy some days, and really, really tough others. I hope that even in the midst of purging yourself of the not-so-great friends, you have one or two whom you can really rely on, as I am so lucky to have. Cherish the friend or two who calls you on your birthday instead of just texting, who asks how you are when she knows you’ve been feeling under the weather, who makes an effort to really be there for you because she loves you for you. Be thankful for the fellow women in your life who embrace, empower, and encourage you to be the best version of you, and work on cleansing yourself of the ones who don’t. You’ll be happier, brighter, kinder, and much more healthy. Shelby is a self-proclaimed, 20-something gypsy who hails from Michigan, went to school in Kentucky, and now lives out west in Colorado with her own “soulja boi” who serves in the Army. Shelby is a fan of all things chocolate, any show with a strong female lead, the Florida State Seminoles, Detroit baseball season, and social justice. When not in school or working at the D.A.’s office, you can find her strumming her guitar, writing, binge-watching Netflix, eating Jimmy Johns, or a combination of the four. She is so excited to be guest writing for Girl-ish!
2 Comments
Hannah Henriques
4/22/2015 11:21:30 pm
Growing up and realizing I've outgrown friends has been one of the most difficult aspects of my life to accept. I still cling on to people who suck the life out of me. This article was great.
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Shelby Meehleder
4/26/2015 12:18:02 pm
I appreciate that so much, Hannah! Thanks for reading :)
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