By Shelby Meehleder of Forming Reality Guest Writer **Disclaimer: If you are not 100% caught up on Grey’s Anatomy, DO NOT READ THIS POST. SPOILERS AHEAD. “It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” Those of you who know that phrase, that man, are grieving right now. You are heartbroken. You are confused. I am too. Ten years of my life I have spent watching Grey’s Anatomy. The show began when I was 12 years old…12. Too young to understand love, sure, but old enough to know loss, to know hurt, to know friendship strong enough to heal, and certainly, young enough to recognize a female protagonist who needed to be rescued from her own story. Grey’s followed me through heartbreak, through first loves and all of the other “coming-of-age” emotions. Grey’s peaked my interest in medicine so much that I contemplated becoming a doctor. During the most formative years of my life, Grey’s was there. And more importantly, I was there. I was there when Meredith stuck her hand in a body cavity with a bomb. I was there when Cristina yelled hysterically, “Somebody sedate me!” after the loss of her baby and we didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was there when we watched in terror as a mangled, faceless body scribbled “0-0-7” into Meredith’s palm and we knew Seattle Grace had just lost its kindest soul. I was there. We were there. For 10 years we watched Meredith struggle to love, and tragically, even struggle to live. We watched her lose and lose and lose. Devotedly, we tuned in every week hoping Derek would chose Meredith. Hoping Meredith would wake up, literally and figuratively, hoping Derek would survive the gunshot wounds. Over the years, we saw our heroine evolve from a “dark and twisty” cynical, to a resilient, strong, hopeful wife and mother of two. In the beginning, we could have only hoped that Meredith would have a shot at redemption from her childhood, from her past, from all the things she could not shield herself from. When we first met Meredith, we could have only dreamed for her the life, success, and happiness she found. And in just 60 minutes, we watched it all crumble before us. All too quickly a brilliant neurosurgeon and the only person who kept persistently, unconditionally, and aggressively loving and pursuing our Meredith lost his life to incompetence. Derek Shepherd, McDreamy, the one every woman has fantasized about (if you say you haven’t, you’re lying), died the most undignified, cheap death Grey’s Anatomy has ever formulated. Derek Shepherd, who built Meredith a house, who adopted his orphaned infant patient, who loved a woman who did not know how to love, and saved her when she could not be saved, is brain-dead. He was the optimist, the light, the hope. My best friend so perfectly explained where the show has gone wrong this season, “It is tragedy after tragedy with no redemption.” For Jackson and April, for their sweet baby Samuel. For Meredith, for Zola and Bailey, and now, for us. Think of all the people in your life you’ve lost over the past 10 years; to distance, to change, and even to death. There are people who have lost more than any of us could possibly imagine, who turn to shows like Grey’s for comfort. In times of sheer tragedy, Grey’s has been a sounding board, a catharsis, a way of letting people know that they are not alone, a way of letting people grieve, and most importantly, helping people feel again. Those who have started to heal themselves through the recovery and absolution of the characters on the show are feeling broken, emotionally victimized, and abused by the decisions of this season. Yes, Grey’s has featured tragic deaths, but never in vain, and never so cruel as that of Derek Shepherd. The man who performed impossible surgeries, who always had a positive outlook in and out of the OR, the man who operated on the inoperable, deserved better than this. He deserved better than to leave behind a family after a year spent halfway across the country from them. Derek’s death has no meaning other than a cheap ploy to boost ratings. Those of us who have hung on for 10 years (even if the 10 years was really just a 3-month binge-watch), know that after all the bombs, the plane crashes, the bullets and the storms, we had Meredith and Derek. We had that hope. And for those of us who identify with Meredith, who understand her deep feelings of abandonment, who have tried to outrun ourselves more times than we can count, who have drowned, and who have still survived and hoped for brighter days, we have lost that hope. It died along with Derek Shepherd. And that is the last thing we needed from Grey’s; to hear that love is fleeting, hope is futile, and the future is just as dark and twisty as it was 10 years ago. As a truly, deeply, devoted fan I have to say that I am shell-shocked, I am angry, I am grieving, and I will no longer be the committed Grey’s Anatomy viewer I once was because, frankly, it hurts too damn much. Derek deserved more, Meredith deserved more, we deserve more. “It’s a beautiful day to save lives.” Read more from Shelby on Girl-ish: The Friend Cleanse or read more at her blog, Forming Reality Want to read more about your favorite TV shows? Four Times I was Emotionally Shattered by 'Grey's Anatomy" The Best of "Parks and Recreation" A Netflix Binge : "The West Wing"
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