girl-ish
By Melissa Moon The struggle is real, y'all. Ever since I can remember, I have had fat ass calves. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a lot of things about my calves. Well, I love about as many as one can love about one's calves, which isn't a ton. What I'm trying to say is that I'm not one of those, "My legs are awful and I hate myself" girls. What I'm really trying to say is,"I WANT TO GO INTO A STORE, TRY ON A PAIR OF BOOTS, AND BE ABLE TO ZIP THEM UP!" For some reason, despite a diet built around buffalo chicken and an incredibly lacking exercise regime, I have really muscular calves. LOL. That sounds so weird to say, but it's true. And due to their rock-solidness, I cannot tell you the number of times I have walked into a store, fallen in love with a pair of boots, and broken into an actual sweat trying to get them on...followed by crying. (Okay...not every time, but when they are discounted, Chinese Laundry over-the-knee boots EXACTLY like the ones Blake Lively wore on Gossip Girl, you gotta shed a few tears.) I have been brought down to my knees so many times- to the point where I finally sat myself down, took a bite of my boneless buffalo wings and said out loud, "I have fat ass calves." Admitting it is the first step, ladies (the same goes for Resting Bitch Face, but that's a whole other story). It was then and there that I decided in-store boot shopping was probably not a reality for me anymore. I wasn't about to settle for yet another pair of sub-par boots simply because the entire back is elasticized. So, I delved into the internet to see what I could find. Let me tell you, there is no feeling as self-affirming as the one you feel when you type "wide calf boots" into Google. It just makes me feel so GLAMOROUS! I jest, of course, but I have to say, I was beyond impressed with the variety of options for girls of the fat-ass calf variety. Even stores like ALDO have a small selection of wide calf boots available. Twas my own personal promised land! It took everything in me not to buy every pair that was even remotely cute. My heart exclaimed, "You deserve this! Think about what you and your calves have been through! Dress them up in love (shoutout SATC)!" Alas, my wallet was horrified at this notion and forced me to pick one pair of beautiful brown boots that FINALLY fit my fat-ass calves. But just because I couldn't afford every pair, doesn't mean you can't! I've searched and scoured ladies, and I have found some of the cutest wide calf boots available. Without further adieu... On a serious note, can we please work together to make "Fat Ass Calves" a thing? It sounds way cooler than "Wide Calf". Just sayin'!
3 Comments
Kiley
1/21/2015 03:34:14 am
I have read this probably 5 times, and laugh out loud every single time.
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Amanda
1/21/2015 10:52:42 am
I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE. Thank you for this, Mel hahaha Loved it!
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Lyndsay
1/21/2015 10:28:30 pm
Preach gir.
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